Yesterday was quite a bad day. In the morning I found all my life savings of three pounds ninty-two in a childhood money box. When I emptyed all the money it felt like it was really gross and drity. I'm far from a germaphobe, as long as I have my own clean towle and people use one cup when they are ill I'm totaly fine. But I found myself in the bathroom washing a sink full of two pence pieces with bleach. Now I knew this was a slightly crazy thing to do but I couldn't help thinking of all the other hundreds of people that had touched my money. Has anyone else done anything like this before?
Angel x
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Saturday, may, 21st, 2011...
Hi guys,
So about two and a half weeks ago I found out that I have OCD. Its not the stereotypical cleaning OCD. I have abandement issues and I have this littel voice in my head constantly telling me that everyone I love or care about is going to either leave or die but the bottem line is I'm scared of being alone. Whenever I feel left out or that my boyfriend for instance is having more fun with his freinds I will feel he will leave me so I will be manipulative and lie to make him come home and talk to me. This has gone on for the last five or six years now since I have been having boyfriends that I feel serious about and has had me labled a needy girlfriend. I know that some people won't understand this and will think that I'm just a lair with some issues and I have had some doubt myself that I have OCD and that I'm just I selfish lair with issues. I do have some 'normal' ocd traits too like checking and rechecking it can take me and hour to leave the house sometimes and I almost got kicked out of college because it was making me late everyday and miss classes. I have what I call 'what if syndrome' what if I didn't lock the door and someone breaks in to the house when my brother gets home? What if josh (my boyfriend) has more fun with his mates and breaks up with me? What if I give my dad food poisoning from what I cooked him? And so on and so on. Its really driving me to insanity and with all my deadlines and exams I have had it has gotten even worse from all the stress. If anyone else has ocd from abandement issues like me please let me know...
Lots of love.... Angel xx
So about two and a half weeks ago I found out that I have OCD. Its not the stereotypical cleaning OCD. I have abandement issues and I have this littel voice in my head constantly telling me that everyone I love or care about is going to either leave or die but the bottem line is I'm scared of being alone. Whenever I feel left out or that my boyfriend for instance is having more fun with his freinds I will feel he will leave me so I will be manipulative and lie to make him come home and talk to me. This has gone on for the last five or six years now since I have been having boyfriends that I feel serious about and has had me labled a needy girlfriend. I know that some people won't understand this and will think that I'm just a lair with some issues and I have had some doubt myself that I have OCD and that I'm just I selfish lair with issues. I do have some 'normal' ocd traits too like checking and rechecking it can take me and hour to leave the house sometimes and I almost got kicked out of college because it was making me late everyday and miss classes. I have what I call 'what if syndrome' what if I didn't lock the door and someone breaks in to the house when my brother gets home? What if josh (my boyfriend) has more fun with his mates and breaks up with me? What if I give my dad food poisoning from what I cooked him? And so on and so on. Its really driving me to insanity and with all my deadlines and exams I have had it has gotten even worse from all the stress. If anyone else has ocd from abandement issues like me please let me know...
Lots of love.... Angel xx
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